Ralph was a challenging student. Some days he did his work while other times, he struggled with simple tasks. I tried to reason with him and explained how important it was to stay focused. I called home, talked to his counselor, and tried everything I could to encourage him to improve his grades until I ran out of ideas. I was angry and frustrated because no matter how hard I tried to persuade him to do it my way, he refused. It was quite stressful until I recognized there was a better way.
It’s a choice
I realized that it wasn’t my choice. I didn’t get to decide what he did or when he did it. My job, as his teacher, was to support him. I realized the best way to convince someone to accept your opinion is to share your thoughts and allow him or her to make up their mind. It’s just that simple because everyone gets to choose. They get to decide, and you get to accept their choice.
Of course, it’s easier said than done, and I remained kind and open-minded when Ralph had his challenging moments. Throughout this whole ordeal, I decided to demonstrate love and patience. It was hard as hell, but in the end, I felt I’d done all I could do. He was later transferred to an alternative school and eventually dropped out. I wondered if there was something more I could have done to support him, and the answer was no.
I did the best I could, and in hindsight, I felt it was enough. I felt better about my choices and actions, and I didn’t feel guilty.
Mind Your Own Business
There will be times in your life when you may feel guilty for something you did or did not do and the remedy is to mind your own business. I couldn’t control what Ralph did or didn’t do. Once I realized this, I was able to relax and stress a whole lot less.
It was a hard lesson because teachers are taught to give their all to every student in their class. Then you fret because you didn’t do enough. The solution was to get help from other school professionals who were better qualified to handle my challenging student.
It shows up in your personal life too
There are times in your professional and personal life where you have to mind your own business. It’s especially crucial when dealing with your family. They will inevitably do things that make you angry, and you get to choose how you react in those situations. Will you force them to do it your way, or will you give them space to learn on their own?
Quite a few years ago, my son had a party when I was out of town. He confessed the next day when he realized someone stole his laptop. I explained he chose to invite people he didn’t know into our home, and I wasn’t going to buy him a new one or file a claim on my insurance. It was a difficult decision, but it wasn’t my fault that he made a poor decision, which was a valuable lesson for both of us.
To be clear, minding your own business doesn’t mean you refuse to help those in need. It means you get to decide what kind of help you’re willing to give based on the situation and circumstance — this helps create boundaries for you and the other person.